and with that utterance of those three words, my lip quivered, my head bowed down, and huge drops of tears splashed onto the table top.... and with release I sobbed.
To merely admit "I am disappointed" created such a rush of emotion, like someone releasing a flood gate, I was finally given permission (or rather, I gave myself permission) to admit my feelings, and let them gush out of the sluice gates.
Disappointment dresses in all sorts of disguises - Being disappointed with someone else ... carrying around the burden of someone elses actions, that happen to weigh heavier than our expectations. Or, being disappointed in ourselves ... being so attached to the outcome of a situation, we are no longer able to disassociate with it.
I had an unexpected workshop this morning. I was sitting on the couch, drinking coffee, wondering what I would do with the fine weather we are having today, and I flipped on the TV, and lo and behold, Joel Olsteen was on. I like Joel Olsteen. I'm not much on "religion" and certainly not TV evangelists, but I appreciate his style of public speaking, and I can relate to his messages which are normally not too "preachy".... and today's lesson was on "Letting Go."... how fitting.
Letting Go. Joels message was rather simple - instead of trying to figure out WHY something didn't go your way - accept it, and move on - knowing that God has something better in store for us. That the end result that we hitched our wagon to was not the end result God wants for us... he has "a better seed" for us to plant.
Did I say simple? Why yes, it is simple. Simple does not equate to easy. But even the message Joel preached today was one that I have talked about with clients several times "If you will let it go and move forward, then you’re going to come into something awesome that God is about to do; not ordinary like you had planned, but extraordinary like God has planned."
Let Go, Let God
So today's workshop is about letting go of disappointment. Letting go of the expectations I have on myself, and expectations I have put on my friends. I am normally pretty good at thinking about "letting stuff go"... but I realized today that I never officially "hand stuff over"... I am bit of a control freak, and delegation was never my strong suit. Trusting that God (or if you care to substitute the word "Universe" or "Higher Power" as I often do)... knowing and trusting that God, the creator of the Universe has it ALL under control is critical in letting go. You gotta let it go SOMEWHERE... simply dropping stuff is not my style - but letting someone else handle it, someone who is more capable than me.... ya, I can see that much clearer.
Joel also talked about removing "Why" from our vocabulary. My Inner Life Coach smiled when he said that, because in coaching training, we learn that "Why?" is one of the most useless questions we can ever ask. He said "Since the Lord is directing our steps, why do we try to figure out everything that happens along the way?” God has you in the palm of His hand. He is directing you every step of the way. That disappointment may not have been fair, but it’s all a part of your divine destiny"
So, the redirect is this... when faced with a disappointing situation ... rather than ask "why is this happening to me?".... the question to ask is "How can I grow from here?" and "What opportunities are available for me?" and "What lessons is the Universe presenting to me?"
I have to admit... I am still pretty bummed out about a few things going on right now.... I am bummed that three of my best friends marriages are on the rocks, I am bummed out that a good friend of mine lost her son last weekend. I am bummed out that a project I am working on is not lifting off the ground the way I had hoped.... but I am letting go of being disappointed, and I am wondering what is in store for my friends, what greater opportunities are coming my way, and what lessons I can learn from here.