Thursday, December 29, 2011
Unplanning my plans
"I have a wedding New Years Eve"...
I stopped what I was doing long enough to look up, see the pensive look on MyHoney's face as he broke the news to me, and I said "That's ok..."
It was as okay as when the credit card machine at the grocery store asks you "Is this amount OK?" and you press the green button in agreement. No, it's not "OK"... it's just the way it is. My groceries are overpriced, and MyHoney has to work New Years Eve... that's the price I pay for being in love with a DJ. It's OK.
Disappointment lingered on for a few days. Soon, I forgot about the plans I originally had in my head - sweeping the dance floor in MyHoney's arms, and being kissed at midnight, and swiftly began making other plans - perhaps a "Single Girls NYE" - complete with expensive chocolate, cheap wine, and chick flicks like "Sex and the City II" and "When Harry Met Sally"... soon, I was so caught up in my make-shift New Years Eve Party of One, that I didn't even remember that I had been disappointed in the first place.
But MyHoney remembered. He hates it when I am disappointed, and he, probably more than me, is sensitive to when his crazy ass schedule gets in the way of our relationship. So, last week, as we were walking the dogs, he grabbed my hand, and said "I am taking Sunday the first off... we should spend the night in Boston"....
MyHoney is not a planner, but he always ends up where he wants to be. Like he says "if I am lost, as long as I am lost in the right direction, I will be fine".. Being a Leo, and I a Virgo, his laid back "it will get done in its own good time" attitude sometimes ruffles me.... so when he sent me an email this afternoon with our reservation confirmation for the train and hotel stay in the city, I forgot all about my midnight New Years Kiss, and started day dreaming about shopping at Faneuil Hall, walking the Freedom Trail, or perhaps even ice skating at the Frog Pond... What a wonderful stroke of luck. This is far better than anything I could have planned.
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." ~Lao Tzu
The experience has me thinking about letting go... letting go of my preconceived outcomes, and accepting the outcomes that the Universe has for me. Sometimes I fight so hard - hanging on with every thread and fiber of my being to something I think I want as an end result... just to find out when I let go.. when I surrender... the end result that I couldn't even imagine is far better than anything I had originally conceived. It's like being on a highway, going full speed, 90 miles an hour - and you miss exits and bypasses that would have taken you on a much grander adventure.
So today, looking forward to 2012 and what it might bring, I am thinking about my preconceived notions and any "planned" end results that I may have in mind... but I am also going to imagine myself seeing turns in the road, by passes, exits, carry roads and bridges... paths that are unplanned... trails that are unexpected - but those are part of the journey too. What if in my planning - I unplan? What if when I am visualizing my goals, I actually visualize being de-railed.... what if like a Chutes and Ladders game, I visualize myself going down the twists and turns, up up up the ladders, and wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Down the slide!
This is a new concept to me... I have to admit... even as a coach, I would visualize a goal, and lazer in on it. I would pick and choose the straightest, fastest, most efficient way to get to the end result desired. What if my planning planned on the unplanned? This thought of making a wider path to my goals has me intrigued and curious.
I'm going to do a little unplanning with my planning today.