Paradise is Sharing...

Monday, May 27, 2013

Help! I'm Drowning - Please come drown with me!!!

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Jump in! The water is icy, cold, turbulent and we will surely die!! Come on! Why don't you jump into this whirlpool with me!?!?  Come drown with me!

Seriously? Is that what I expect from him when I present him with my latest nerve wracking worry that has me frothed up into a frenzy?  Apparently, that's exactly what I expected, because everyone else in my life has previously reacted that way.  Oh, Cilly's upset -I think I'll join her.  But not MyHoney.  Thankfully, not MyHoney.  In the past, when I was worried or anxious, my partner would get worried and anxious with me.  At the time, it made me feel better - I felt like he was in this with me, and someone had my back. We would get so whipped up in a frenzy that we would come up with solutions to problems we didn't even have.  But, it gave me something to do - albeit, very non-productive and energy wasting.  So, when I shared with MyHoney my fears and anxieties, and he stood there stoic and calm - I was puzzled.  MyHoney wasn't jumping into my frantic whirlpool of nervous energy and anxiety with me -I felt abandoned.  Why doesn't he join me?  Why isn't he upset?   He continued to reassure me by saying everything was going to be ok, and not to worry.  He threw me the life-saver of the voice of reason and asked me to stay calm.  I hesitantly adapted to his calm nature.  We floated a while.  It was nice.  He reasoned with me... and I stopped kicking and thrashing.  Everything is going to be ok.  We are ok.  It dawned on me... MyHoney is a lifegaurd.

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It has taken me five years to understand the role of a lifegaurd.  A lifegaurd may have to jump in the pool to save you from drowning, but they will never let you drag them to the bottom with you.  They keep calm, they grab you and hold you up and keep your head above water.  The most important thing is they stay calm, so you will be calm, stop thrashing about, and stop panicking.  They do not panic with you, they do not feed your fear.  They tell you everything is going to be ok - and it will be - once you stop panicking and start floating.  They have you conserve your energy so you can master the real waves that crash on you.... they keep you steady and with strength and endurance pull you to the safety of the shore.  Had MyHoney jumped in and panicked with me, we surely would have drowned in a sea of fear and anxiety.

So, for now we are floating, I am still a little nervous, but clutching on to the strength of my lifegaurd... we are waiting for the next wave to crash, and then we will steadily swim together to shore.  I am safe.  This morning I am in reflection on how I can become a better lifegaurd for MyHoney.   There will be times he is in rough water... and my intent on bringing him safely to shore is surely not to jump in with the intent for both of us to drown. 


Paradise is here, Paradise is now, Paradise is a lifeguard...

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