Two Souls Reunited - Romping in Paradise ...

Paradise is a loyal companion

I started to write this on the eve of Tuesday, April 30th... finally able to  finish and post today after many tears... We unlatched his leash and let him run eternally free... our sweet, sweet Derby. 

My sweet spotted boy.... I only met you five years ago, and it seems so unfair I had to say goodbye to you today .  You were the best friend to whom would become my best friend  - you were his friend first.  I can't thank you enough for being such a loyal companion.  When we met, you were unsure of sharing him with me, but you did - you realized there was enough room on the couch, and enough room in his heart for everyone - even my crazy white dog. 

Derby, I only hope I can begin to take over where you left off...  I will be by his side, I will take long

Paradise is having adventures

walks with him... I will comfort him, and I will make him smile.  Derby, you taught me what true friendship looks like.  You and MyHoney had a bond like nothing I have ever seen.  He trusted you (sometimes I believed too much)... but you trusted him too.... and together, it worked.   In unspoken harmony.... you bonded - soul-brothers, kin.  I can only reflect the memory of you - I will never be able to radiate in the same light.  You, brother, are irreplaceable.

Photo Credit: Mt Washington Observatory
Paradise is Two Souls Reuniting...

I read this evening that the observers on top of Mount Washington reported the bright lights of the Aurora Borealis ... my vision was of two souls reuniting - you and Destiny, running amongst the stars, dancing, play-bowing, romping - finally together once again - kindred spirits. Running through Paradise....

Paradise is Brotherly Love

Lexi looks for you Brother... she misses you every day.  She looks for you in your bed, in the yard, in all your usual places.  As fun-loving, easy going and carefree as you were - you were her alpha.  Please continue to be her guide Derbs... visit her in her dreams... run with her as she sleeps.  She loves your gentle heart - you took her into your pack, despite her absolute delight in squeeky toys and driving you crazy... you loved her, and she could tell.  You will always be her brother.  When the sorrowful day comes when we have to unlatch her leash for the last time - please run to her - run as fast as you can - it will make her crossing easier for me, knowing you will be there with your tail wagging waiting to welcome her home.

Derby, you were such a good boy.  Run free sweet spotted boy.... say hi to my girl.  I will take good care of your boy.... I promise.  I promise.



Paradise is here.... Paradise is now.... Paradise is running free with Destiny....

Rest in Paradise Derby ... April 1st, 2003 - April 30th, 2013

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.” ~ Winnie the Pooh

Destiny and Derby - Together Again...

Taking the Sting Out of Tragedy....

photo credit: photoblog.nicubunu.ro

 "Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life." John Muir


Running and giggling, we chased and darted after our dog Daisy who had managed to abscond our wiffle ball once again.  My brother who was five years older than me couldn't catch her, so I knew I never would.  It looks like our ball game is over.... so we decided to take off and find a new adventure.  Wiffle ball bat in his hand, my brother started a new game, he is now the Lone Ranger, and I am Tonto (I was always Tonto - he always got to be the Lone Ranger)... and we galloped around using our bats as horses whinying and neighing.... until that game faded away into a new one.  Now we were sword fighters, dueling to defend our family honor... my brother drew his wiffle ball bat sword and took a ferocious swing.. and hit the beehive that was behind him.  The hive toppled over off its platform and split open like a cracked egg. 

photo credit: commons.wikimedia.org

A black cloud of angry bees swarmed out like a pissed off genie.  Their world had been shaken, and they had to lash out and punish the perpetrators.  My brother took off in a full run.  Daisy, knowing that we had done something to get us in trouble, put her ears down, tucked her tail, and slinked deftly to the barn.  But I was too slow to escape. The bees were relentless, coming after me with bitter venom.   Hot stingers flew into my neck, and as I swatted they caught my arms and hands like fiery fish hooks.  By the time I made it to the house, I was a welted mess.  My brother had escaped unscathed.  I was distraught by the injustice of it all.

In my six year old mind, this was the epitome of all that is unfair in the world.  I sat on my mothers lap and wailed... "But I didn't DO anything! Why did the bees sting ME?!?"  She rocked me back and forth, unable to answer my pitful sobs... "Because you were there, and they were angry and scared."  ..... "They were scared Momma?"  I remember being puzzled that fear can result in anger.  Those bees seemed angry to me - I was the one who was afraid.  But as I've grown older, I have witnessed that yes, indeed, when people's worlds are shaken, our fear can manifest as anger, and we lash out and sting anyone who is around.

Photo Credit: internetmonk.com

Yesterday, a gunman walked in  to a school, slayed his mother and gunned down her classroom of elementary children.  Our world has been shaken.  Just like the six year old who was comforted in my mothers arms, I am distraught with the injustice of it all.  But unlike the child I once was, I experienced an explosion of anger.  How could this happen? What kind of world do we live in? 

 I logged onto Facebook and saw others felt the same way - angry.  Venomous posts were flying around about gun control, school policies and politicians.  Then there were posts from other parents that dripped with fear.  They were hugging their children tighter tonight.  They were fearful of letting their children go to school tomorrow.   And of course, there were posts of just deep, sorrowful, heartwrenching grief.   Instead of buying Christmas gifts for their children, they are buying tiny coffins and headstones.  Why is this happening, they didn't do anything - they were innocent children.   My anger evaporated into the mist of sorrow I felt like the six year old sobbing in my mothers arms all over again.  This is truly the epitome of injustice.

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Just like Daisy, I put my ears down and slunk away.  I shut off the electronic devices, Facebook, and the news...  and retreated to the arms of MyHoney.  I need to get away from the toppled beehive.  

We as humans naturally want answers.  There is injustice in the world - we believe if we can pinpoint how and why the world is unjust, we can do something to remedy it.  We want to fix it.  We just want to DO something. 
  
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”  ~ Buddha

We turn to our television sets and newspapers looking for answers.  We chat on social media boards trying to find out what other people think.  We take action by signing petitions, protesting, and persecuting.  While some of these actions may bring results.... they will not bring you peace.

To take the sting out of tragedy  - to find peace this chaotic messy world, don't turn towards your televisions,  your electronics, Facebook, social media, or the news.  You will not find peace there.  

To find peace - turn toward your family.  Spend some time with them "unplugged".... play board games, go ice skating, enjoy each others company. 

Turn toward Humanity - do something kind for someone.  Practice random acts of Kindness.  Reach out to someone in need.  Send love letters.  Donate blood, food or money.  Give of yourself.

Photo Credit: Sakis Koukouvis Scoopit.com

Turn toward your Higher Power.  Pray for the families who were affected by the tragedy.  Pray for humanity, and pray their fears subside.  Pray for acceptance. Pray for peace for yourself.  Give thanks for your wellbeing, family, friends and neighbors.

Turn toward your Inner Wisdom.  Sit still.... reflect... just BE.   Take some quiet time and reflect on all your blessings.  Burn a candle.  Practice Metta Bhavana - the meditation of Loving Kindness.   

Are there ways you have taken the sting out of a tragedy you would like to share?  

Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now.... Paradise is taking the sting out of tragedy.

 

My Promise to the Queen of Ten Ass City....

Thank you to the amazing staff at Portland Veterinary Specialists

January 16th, 2009 at 11:05am ... I sat on a cold tile floor, stroking the soft downy fur of my best friend, my soul mate, my White Shadow... I talked to her through choked back tears and sang her songs, silly ones with made up words... ones when she was a vivacious playful pup would send her into fits of joy and tail chasing. That day, my tears splashed like rain down on her face, and she looked at me with the trust and love that only very blessed people on this earth get to have - the unending adoration of a loyal dog.  Even as she laid there with an IV in her leg, no longer able to move because of the sedatives and pain killers the clinic mercifully injected her with... her eyes flickered with concern for me.  "I'll be alright Momma"... I knew if she was able to.. she would have flopped her tail up and down... wag-wag. Wag-wag...to reassure me. She was always reassuring me ... that is what she did. 

Dr. Noble, sitting on the floor with us, asked me if I was ready.  No. I'll never be ready... But looking down at my sweet girl... seeing her eyes dull, her smile gone, her tail motionless.... She was already gone.  I had to let her go - I was her best friend after all - I had to unlatch her leash one last time, and let her run free.  I nodded to Dr. Noble, and she gently rolled back the release on the drip line, and pushed a clear fluid through the IV.   I said good bye to my Destiny... She never broke her loving gaze at me as she slipped away... my hand felt the last rise and fall of her chest... my eyes were the last eyes she looked into - my words were the last ones she heard... and I made her a promise... Our adventures would live on.  I promise.

After a long time... Dr. Noble and MyHoney helped me up... and I left Destiny resting in eternal slumber, on the soft dog bed on the clinics floor. No more needles. No more medicine.  No more IV's. No more pain.  I walked out of the clinic with her empty collar in my hand.  No white shadow.  No "load up little Pup!" as we approached my truck.  No singing along to the radio inserting her name in the songs and glancing in the rear view to see her smiling in amusement of hearing her name.  Just... nothing.  My Destiny was gone.  She wasn't there to reassure me any more. 

Two weeks later, we returned to the clinic to pick up Destiny.  Julie, a caring girl with soft hands and a gentle touch, who Destiny just adored stepped out of the reception area, and guided me to the private wait room. The girl who had once upon a time admitted Destiny into care, fed her treats, and hugged her fiercely on her last visit, gently handed me a little green gift bag. Her eyes were red rimmed and full of tears.  Inside was a small wooden box and a terra cotta paw print - Destiny's paw print, and a sympathy card signed by Dr. Noble, Julie, and the rest of the staff from the clinic who had administered Destiny's care for the last nine months of her life.   MyHoney wrapped his arm around my shoulder and assisted me back to my truck, where Destiny rode for the first time, in my lap, in the front seat.  I couldn't speak.  All I could think of was.. my 60 pound (who had wasted away to 30 pounds) dog was in this teeny tiny box?  My beautiful, spirited, adventurous dog doesn't belong in such a tiny box. She, after all, was the Queen of Ten Ass City.  Her life was so much larger than this teeny, tiny, little pine box.  But there she was... just the same.

Silently, on the way home, I replayed my last words to her - "Our Adventures will live on..." and decided she will return to the mountains and dance amongst the lupines.  She should be where butterflies flutter and flit on the breeze and land on daisy blossoms that bend and sway.  She deserves to be where the air is so permeated with the scent of sweet pine its intoxicating.  She belongs where the loons will sing her lullabies every night. I will take you back to where we were the happiest together - I promise. I promise.

Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now.....    Even if you don't realize it yet.

Grief... Interrupted....

My sweet girl Destiny.  This week I finally fulfilled my last earthly obligation to you... the financial matters of your medical bills.  It took every resource I had left, and many sleepless nights, but this past Monday I sent via priority mail payment in full.  "Destiny's Credit Card" is finally laid to rest.


And I have wept every day since as if it is the day I lost you.

Most people would be elated to pay off a bill.  It would be such a relief to have the burden and the anxiety finally lifted off their shoulders.  Celebration would be in order.  For me, it's left a new sense of loss that is as fresh as the day I said goodbye.  You see, my friend... I no longer have to take care of you.  You ran free on January 16th, 2009.  I finally got set free this week... and its an odd feeling that I just don't know what to do with.  No more fretting... no more worrying... the treatments we started back in the spring of 2008 are finally ... finally finished.  I am no longer responsible - for you.

In a way, I am grateful that I had the distraction of financial upset right after losing you.   Losing my job four days after saying goodbye to you wasn't easy... but it gave me something to focus on.  All my energy went into staying afloat - I had to press on.  Now that urgency is gone, and my mind seems to want to time travel back and mourn you all over again.  My grief was interrupted...


So, sweet girl, while my earthly obligation is done, rest assured I still haven't forgotten my promise to you of living out our adventures.  Now that all the fretting and worrying has been laid to rest, I want to focus on new projects.  My vision is to pay this experience forward, help other Dog-mas who are in need, who face either saying goodbye to their loyal companions or costly medical bills and are forced to choose.  I don't know what steps I need to take to get there, but I know you will be guiding me on the trail.

Run Free...