Today we are getting wet, heavy, tree-bending snow. Sipping my coffee and watching the pines bend while the woods dress their naked limbs in drapes of white velvet, I thought back to years ago, when I would wake up and this type of snow meant one thing - snowmobiling season.
Excitedly, we would rush through breakfast, suit up in our long-johns, boots, scarfs and snowmobile suits. Adventures of flying through the fields and to destinations occupied my mind. I couldn't wait to rev up my machine and ZOOM ZOOM! Racing outside I stop dead in my tracks when I see my Dad trudging from the garage with a gas can, axe, chainsaw and shovels in hand. He loaded them up in the dogsled he already had hitched to his snowmobile. I groaned. I knew today would not be the day for fast-paced trail adventures. Today, we had to clear the trail.
Once we were packed up, we zoomed across the fields, white powder floated up behind us, and swirled around us in a frosty frenzy. My brother and I raced each other for pole position - but that is where our need for speed ended as we crept to the edge of the field and entered the deep canopy of the woods. Then the work commenced. The trees bowed down like a maze of marshmallow covered tunnels. I often got confused as to where we were, grateful my Dad was there - he knew this trail like the back of his hand, despite the feeling of having stepped through a wardrobe into a foreign snow encrusted Narnia. Downed tree after downed tree, we would work, clearing the way. Saws buzzing and echoing into the valley, I felt like we might as well be out in the Alaskan Tundra. Mile after tedious mile, we cleared our section of the trail, and eventually run into another group of snowmobilers who had cleared the trails from their houses. Seeing the other group coming in our direction made my heart skip. We had made it! The work is done! Exhausted, we headed back home in the moonlight.
My friends would tease me - why work so hard to play? I knew that once we had worked hard to clear the trail, we reaped the rewards of a fun filled winter. Once the trail was clear, the real fun begins. It made all the hard work and labor worth while. Not only were we able to get out from the farm, but now our friends were able to get to us. Our fields buzzed with friends and neighbors meeting up, racing the fields, building bonfires to warm our hands, and enjoy the sparkling winter sun. Snow-shoers flopped by with their dogs, and cross country skiers skated by on our smooth, freshly dragged trails. The day or two of breaking through the trails with chainsaws and axes were a long distant memory. The fun was so infectious, that sure enough, the next time we had a tree-bending snow, I would forget all about the fact we had to clear the trails all over again. I did notice, the more frequently we got heavy snow, the less we had to clear the trail the next time.
Had we decided to skip the work to get to the prize of riding the trails, we would have gotten snarled and caught up along the way. Our snowmobiles would have gotten stuck and damaged, or worse, riders could have been injured. An inexperienced rider would surely have gotten lost trying to distinguish where the trail began and where it ended had we not cleared the way.
As the fat, fluffy flakes lazily plop onto the tree branches outside my window, I think about all the trails in my life I need to clear. Right now, looking at my goals is like looking at them through the gnarled up, twisted branches weighed down by tree-bending snow. I sometimes feel lost in the white out, disoriented as to where I am, and not sure I can find my way. The terrain looks foreign to me.
I think about the dog-sled full of tools I have - experience, knowledge, intuition, wit, charisma .. amongst others. I think about the trail-masters I have in my life -the people who have been on the trail before, who know how to navigate it - whether its smooth sailing, or blocked with twisted obstacles and challenges. People who can show me how to use my tools and resources to cut down the obstacles, and how to mark the trail so others can join me. I think about how amazing it feels once the work is done, and how that hard work resulted in fun, enjoyment and community. I start to get excited to roll up my sleeves and get to work clearing, because clearing is the first step towards the reward.
Tell me, what trails do you need to clear to get to where you want to go?
Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now .... Paradise is Clearing the Trail...
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
A million things to do ... and everything to say...
"I tried to schedule time to be creative, but my creativity missed the appointment"....
It was said jokingly by one of my clients, but as I laughed, I also felt a pang of truth - I had been doing the same. I realized I've been so caught up on scheduling my life to make it all fit, that I hadn't fit in the most important parts - ME.
It reminded me of the time management parable - I haven't put the big rocks in first. Problem is, I didn't realize how big the rocks are until I am trying to cram them into the container.
And so, determined to fit creativity into my day, I sit with a blank screen of endless possibilities in front of me, and I get twitchy. I should be studying. I should be preparing my presentation for tomorrow. I should be getting on that new marketing material. I should be preparing for the kick-off teleclass for my Mastermind Groups I am having in March. I should be doing my taxes...
A sip of coffee and a deep breath later, the blank screen before me takes on new meaning. I have a million things to do today, but very little to say. How can that even be?
Perhaps it isn't the size of my to-do list I need to manage - but the weight.
Reviewing my mile-long to-do list, I wondered - what meaning does my busy-ness have? What significance? Most of my list is tedium - taxes, paperwork, cleaning. Why do I feel compelled do these tedious things? I decided for kicks to write down the value I have that is tied to each task. Well, because I value honesty and integrity - I will do my taxes. I value taking pride in what you have, therefore I will clean my house.
I notice that with each value I think of, I could write an essay on each. "Taking pride in what I have" reminds me of my Dad carefully greasing his tractor after each use - cleaning it until you could see your reflection in the John Deere green paint. You would think he was entering his tractor in a parade the way he polished it each day. His tractors are his pride and joy - they are a direct reflection of how the world sees him. People don't even have to speak a word with my father to know what his values are - they just have to visit his farm.
I wonder -are my values showing through my work?
When I complete this list, will people see what I feel?
Certainly, this exercise is making me feel very differently about my to-do list... .no longer is it a list of tedious chores, but a direct statement of my values. I may not have a John Deere Tractor to spit shine, but the end result is still the same - the finished product is an outward reflection of me.
As I scan down my to-do list, I see "Write New Blog Entry" - I mark it off, and realize it's not about marking things off my to-do list - it's about making a mark.
Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now .... Paradise is making a mark....
It was said jokingly by one of my clients, but as I laughed, I also felt a pang of truth - I had been doing the same. I realized I've been so caught up on scheduling my life to make it all fit, that I hadn't fit in the most important parts - ME.
It reminded me of the time management parable - I haven't put the big rocks in first. Problem is, I didn't realize how big the rocks are until I am trying to cram them into the container.
And so, determined to fit creativity into my day, I sit with a blank screen of endless possibilities in front of me, and I get twitchy. I should be studying. I should be preparing my presentation for tomorrow. I should be getting on that new marketing material. I should be preparing for the kick-off teleclass for my Mastermind Groups I am having in March. I should be doing my taxes...
A sip of coffee and a deep breath later, the blank screen before me takes on new meaning. I have a million things to do today, but very little to say. How can that even be?
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| What are your important rocks? |
Reviewing my mile-long to-do list, I wondered - what meaning does my busy-ness have? What significance? Most of my list is tedium - taxes, paperwork, cleaning. Why do I feel compelled do these tedious things? I decided for kicks to write down the value I have that is tied to each task. Well, because I value honesty and integrity - I will do my taxes. I value taking pride in what you have, therefore I will clean my house.
I notice that with each value I think of, I could write an essay on each. "Taking pride in what I have" reminds me of my Dad carefully greasing his tractor after each use - cleaning it until you could see your reflection in the John Deere green paint. You would think he was entering his tractor in a parade the way he polished it each day. His tractors are his pride and joy - they are a direct reflection of how the world sees him. People don't even have to speak a word with my father to know what his values are - they just have to visit his farm.
| Paradise is making a mark |
When I complete this list, will people see what I feel?
Certainly, this exercise is making me feel very differently about my to-do list... .no longer is it a list of tedious chores, but a direct statement of my values. I may not have a John Deere Tractor to spit shine, but the end result is still the same - the finished product is an outward reflection of me.
As I scan down my to-do list, I see "Write New Blog Entry" - I mark it off, and realize it's not about marking things off my to-do list - it's about making a mark.
Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now .... Paradise is making a mark....
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Soul Celebration
Destiny Grace - 1/11/1996 - 1/16/2009
Four Years from this Earth, my sweet girl. I imagine a time we are together again... frolicking through daisy peppered fields, laying on our backs and watching the clouds drift by... napping in the sun, and flicking butterflies from your ears. Explore Paradise well my girl, I want to see it all, and have you be my guide when I arrive. Find the best swimming holes to cool ourselves, the best rivers to fish, the most gentle fields to rest..the best trails to explore ... and in the meantime, our adventures live on in my dreams... my beautiful beautiful Destiny.
From the first time that I saw you
I know it was forever
This mighty love between us
Will keep us together
You're the girl God sent from heaven
I'm so glad I found you
Forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, forever
I'm so glad to be around you
You are my destiny
You are my one and only
You gave that joy to me
When my whole life was lonely -
- My Destiny - Lionel Richie
Paradise is here... Paradise is now.... Paradise is remembering my Destiny.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2013 - I will take a different path....
| Paradise is navigating the twists and turns ... |
My "What If" Gremlin is running amok. Problem is, Cecilia has a lot of fuel to feed the flame. I have failed before. It didn't work out in the past. I've fallen flat on my face. I've tried and failed, tried and failed. I've been down this road before.
There is a mountain in Western Maine that has been my nemesis since 1998. Tumbledown Mountain is that looming goal - no matter how hard I try, no matter how I research the trail, study the map, pack my gear, and prepare myself for the hike - I have not yet been able to reach the summit. The first time was because we took an incredibly dangerous trail, and ended up at what they call the "Chimney Sweep" ... and I was literally too fat to fit through the narrow gap in the rocks to reach the summit. My ex-husband squeaked his thin frame through, took pictures of the views, and came back down to report that there was a boyscout troop at the top. Astounded I stammered "they allowed children to climb up THAT?!" Pointing to the hole in the rocks that led straight up over a vertical drop. "No," he meekly admitted "There is an easier trail on the south side".... Dammit. Defeated, I hiked back down to the base, determined to find that easier trail next year, or lose weight so I could slide through the rocks next time.
Two years later, I did lose weight. Destiny and I made a go of the summit this time solo. She ran ahead of me, bounding up the boulders and scrambling up the rock faces. As she scrambled to the top of a 15' drop and looked down at me, I froze in fear. What am I doing here alone? What if I fall? I looked down to see how high we were, and I eased my back onto the firm surface of the rock, and shook. I can't do this - I need to come back with someone. This is stupid -I have no business being out here by myself. After twenty minutes of being frozen in fear, I slid down the boulders, firmly holding Destiny's harness so she wouldn't skid off the cliff. Safely back at the car, I looked up to the summit as it mocked me. Next time, I will bring a friend, and I will find a different trail... and maybe bring some rope. I don't want to do this summit alone.
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| Paradise is tackling the summit... |
I didn't return to that mountain until 10 years later - this time with MyHoney, Destiny and Derby. I had thoroughly researched the trail head, the markers and where to start. I was convinced I had chosen the easiest trail. We were not going up the Chimney Sweep, but rather we would go the easy trail the boy scouts had been on a decade ago. This time, Destiny petered out before we could summit. My poor girl couldn't find the strength to scramble up the rock ledges, so we turned around and hiked back to base camp. I should have left her home... it was just too much for my old girl. My bad.
Last summer, I was determined to give the summit another go. I packed a map, a compass and rope. I told friends I was out on the trail, and when to expect me back. I had food, water and supplies. Lexi and I arrived to the mountain, and I started my hike off strong. About midway up, I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, and was turned back as fog and inclement weather rolled through the region. Lexi didn't seem to mind frolicking through the lower trails where the fog wasn't socked in. I was irritated. This damn mountain just doesn't want me to climb it. Next time, I need a weather radio.
Each time I've tried to make the summit, I've learned something new. I've learned different paths to take. I've learned who to bring along as hiking partners. I've learned I need to monitor weather conditions as well as trail conditions. I've learned what gear to bring, and what gear not to bring. I've learned how to stake out what direction to take with my compass. Yet, as I write down on my 2013 goal list "Summit Tumbledown"... I have doubts in my mind. What if it rains the weekend I plan to do it? What if I'm not in good enough shape? What if I get lost again? What if I am just not meant to summit this mountain?
As I was listening to a talk Dr. Wayne Dyer gave "Wishes Fulfilled" - I realized Tumbledown Mountain is more than unconquered summit in my book - it symbolizes every run I take towards a goal, only to slide back down in defeat. Looking at my goal list for 2013 - there several unconquered summits on the list. Some I have taken a run at a few times before - just to learn every pitfall and obstacle in my way. So, while looking at my dreams on paper - the dreams I want so desperately to fulfill - I realize, I need to take a different road - just like I know I need to take a different trail to get to the summit of Tumbledown. I need better gear, more experienced hiking partners, and the patience to wait for good weather. I need to prepare myself mentally and physically.
And, just like changing the trail to take for Tumbledown, the path I need to get to my business goals need to change. I need to reevaluate who is in my circle -are they helping me get to my goals or holding me back? Am I mentally and physically fit to work the hours I need to work to attain my goals? Have I properly prepared by mapping out my plan? Have I attained the adequate resources to sustain my journey? Do I need more training and knowledge? Perhaps I need someone who has already been there to be my guide.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
By Portia Nelson
By Portia Nelson
What goals do you have on your list for 2013? Have you made a run at them before? What will you do differently this time?
Paradise is Here, Paradise is Now .... Paradise is conquering your Mountain.
** Update - my friend Kelly messaged me after reading this blog post and told me she wants to hike Tumbledown with me this spring, as she has expertly hiked it before. Stay tuned - I will post pictures of Paradise from the top!
Labels:
Derby,
Destiny,
Dr Wayne Dyer,
goals,
Lexi,
Maine,
Mountain,
Self-Discovery,
Struggling
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Snow Angel....
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| Snow Angel |
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| Destiny - My Snow Angel |
During that first winter on my own, the winter nights seemed darker. Each snowflake weighed on me like a stone. No one came around to eat pizza or go for a midnight ski, and I wasn't able to get out and meet up with people because my really cute, but really dumb car wouldn't get me anywhere but stuck in a snowbank. Nope, instead I was alone, shoveling my walkway - alone. Mid-shovel I looked up and saw my ridiculous dog Destiny on her back, wriggling and rolling, joyfully making her version of doggie snow angels. I felt like my days of fun in the snow were long gone. Destiny can make the snow angels alone - I have a car to dig out.
I know that we humans are like rest of the natural world and that sadness, fear, frustration, or any troubling feeling cannot last. Nature doesn’t create a storm that never ends. Within misfortune, good fortune hides. ~ Dr Wayne Dyer
Spring came, the snow melted away... and life went on. Destiny passed away the following winter... and I regretted not putting down my shovel, getting out of my own sorrows for a while, to flop down in the snow to make snow angels with her the winter before. Each flake that fell was a reminder of the love and joy she had for snow. Nipping at mittens, barking as we shoveled... rolling on her back in pure bliss. I smiled as the snow fell, remembering my Snow Angel. That winter, MyHoney, Derby and I got out to play in the snow every chance we had. I bravely battled winter driving in my trusty Subaru. Moments, joyful moments can melt away .... and with the melting snow, a new season begins.
| Lexi |
Paradise is here, Paradise is now.... Paradise is making snow angels.
Labels:
Destiny,
Dr Wayne Dyer,
Lexi,
Memories,
moving on,
snow,
snow angels,
winter
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