Dogs are from Pluto...

Tranquilo (Calm)

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

MyHoney and I just celebrated the 4-year anniversary of the day we met.  To start off our celebration, we went to the same Starbucks where we had our first "coffee date."   I remember our first date as though it were yesterday.  I was nervous.. I hadn't been on a"date" for 17 years.  Was I wearing the right outfit?  What if I talk too much? What if I don't talk enough?  What if this isn't really a "date" and I have put too much thought into it?  What if he doesn't like me? What if he does?  As I pulled my bright yellow VW Beetle up to the curb, my hands were shaking.  What am I doing here?

I walked into the coffee shop... I was early, so I sat down in the comfy seats and nervously fidgeted in my chair and waited for him to arrive.  Then the door swung open, and he walked in.... he greeted me with a hug, a warm smile and kindness in his eyes that immediately put me at ease.  We ordered our drinks, sat down, and started chatting away about what we were interested in, what we did for work... and most of all, our dogs.  I felt like I was talking with an old friend. 

If someone had put a time-lapsed camera there that day, you would have seen a whole city bustle and buzz in and out the doors... Right in the heart of downtown Portland, amongst all the hustle and bustle, people streamed in and out, fetching their latte's and mocha grande.. but for us, time stood still.

Before I knew it, I glanced outside and realized the sun had set.  We had been there for four hours... the first four beautiful hours of our relationship together.  I didn't want to admit it to myself...  but I think I was falling for this guy... right here.. in this coffee shop.

Four years later, sitting in the same coffee shop, our discussion was not about getting to know one another... but getting to a deeper understanding of who we are - as individuals, and as a couple.  I shared with him that I am finally reading "Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus".. not just to get insight on our communication conundrums, but to also to better coach my clients.  Taking a sip from his mocha latte, he flashed a boyish grin and asked "If men are from Mars and women are from Venus... where are dogs from?"  Because of the twinkle in his eyes, I knew to play along... "Dogs are from Pluto!" and we both broke out into giggles.  With a "clink" of our coffee cups, we smiled at each other.. I looked into his kind eyes, saw his warm smile, and fell in love with him all over again.

We've come a long way since the first 4 hours we spent together... we have gone through some wonderful times, we've gone through some turbulent times.  We have had to reevaluate our individual needs, our collective needs, and deal with all the emotions that come with such evaluations.  Some conversations haven't been as light and jovial as the conversations we had early on in our relationship.  Some have hurt.  Some have stung.  Some conversations were unable to be had until trust was rebuilt.  Some conversations have been amazingly deep... about our beliefs, our values, and what is most important to us.  It never ceases to amaze me the new and incredible things I can learn about someone when I just open up my heart and listen.

I realized this weekend that we are no longer the people on their first date in that coffee shop.  Life gets busy.  We are now part of the crowd that is hustling and bustling amongst our hectic lives.  Four hour inquisitive and curious getting-to-know you conversations get far and few between.  If we aren't careful, time won't stand still for us anymore.

So, if time won't stand still for us, we need to make time stop for a while.  You have to stop the world and take the time to have amazing conversations - about us, about love, about life, about our dogs.... about Mars, Venus, Pluto and all the stars...  it clears away the storm clouds of doubt and insecurity, and the result is as peaceful as the night sky.  


Paradise is here, Paradise is Now... Paradise is falling in love in a coffee shop